The Joys of Travel

Visiting close friends in foreign lands is one of life's greatest pleasures. Many of us have friends and family who live overseas and an occasion to visit them and their homeland can be one of the most rewarding experiences we can have, being both invigorating and relaxing at the same time. I have discussed the perils of travel in past columns, but here I would like to share some observations of the things which made a strong impression on me during my recent trip to England. It had been about eight years since I last had the good fortune to spend time abroad, a gap of time which I hope never to repeat!

As my luck would have it, my host for this trip was my trusted friend and colleague, William Hanson. As one of Britain's foremost etiquette and entertainment authorities, his hosting abilities were as gracious as any I have ever enjoyed. We had corresponded over the past several years, but we had never actually met face-to-face and the understandable anticipation for me was reminiscent of a first day at school. I was not alone in my excitement as jokes began appearing on social network sites about two etiquette experts going to a pub (neither of us drink), or comments such as "how much trouble can two etiquette experts get into?". Nonetheless, we had a blast with plenty of laughs as we walked around Manchester Center, where he lives, shopping, dining, and enjoying a relaxed and unhurried life.

One thing that caught my attention was many of the words which are commonly used "across the pond", but which are not at all in our vocabulary in North America. Hobs (burners on a stove top) and barms (bread rolls) were two which required explanation. I find however that even though the words are English, there are no equivalents in our everyday English usage. They are specific to British English and as such, fascinate me. Fortunately my host has great patience and handled my finicky questions with kindness.

I love visiting food shops of all kinds. I have always made it a point to visit markets everywhere I go, even in the US and Canada. Britain is no exception and the offerings did not disappoint. I will share one of many such examples. As a lover of all dairy products, especially cream and cheese, I am boggled by how different such basic commodities are from country to country. In America, for example we have light cream, half and half, and heavy cream. In Canada we have coffee cream and cereal cream. In Britain, they have single, double, clotted, Devon and whipping cream. Each of the above listed creams amazingly enough have different fat contents. I had forgotten just how luxurious even single cream from a Jersey cow could be. It's probably a lucky thing my visit was just a week!

Taking the time to investigate and discuss such subtle cultural differences leaves an impression on the local shopkeepers and friends, and indicates a genuine level of interest in how they live. Such simple gestures, which for me are more of a passion than an effort, make time spent away from the 'routine' life at home all the more enjoyable. I find that the old adage "when in Rome" can really open doors. One of the keys to having a great trip is to remember that people in other countries, even those whose culture is very similar to our own, do things differently. There is absolutely no sense in complaining about these differences. My advice to people who don't see and savor the particular cultural differences of a country is to stay at home. When we travel to other parts of the world expect things to be new and embrace such differences. This is a basic reason for travel which makes us more understanding. Observing, and learning the way locals act and live broadens our perspective on the world around us. In a world which in many ways seems to be getting smaller and smaller, we do ourselves a big favor by becoming more accepting of other people's ways of life and values. We needn't adopt such life styles, although we may decide to try a few, but we can be respectful.

I did very little research before beginning this journey, limiting my googling to theaters and restaurants, primarily because I have been to England many times. I do think I would have benefitted at least slightly by refreshing my knowledge of tipping, taxis, and dressing for the weather. I think most of us would. I encourage everyone who has the privilege of traveling abroad to begin the journey with an open mind and fill your adventure with new observations and experiences along the way. It will help to ensure a pleasant and memorable trip, whether on business or pleasure.

Preparing to Travel Etiquette

Suddenly it dawned on me! I haven't really travelled anywhere (as in "on a jet plane") in a long, long time. An opportunity to go to England came along; the busy summer tourism season has yet to begin; so I made the decision to go and I am packing my bags. As I began thinking about such details as weather, the weight of my empty suitcases (yes, I still actually pack a suitcase), and potential flat tires between me and the airport, a number of tasks to complete and other considerations came flooding into my mind.

I believe in allowing plenty of time for planning, for packing, and for traveling. Whenever possible, having a flexible schedule makes it more probable that important matters will be handled prior to departure and essential items will be packed and not left on the bathroom shelf.

What to pack is always a challenge. Were I to spend more time focusing on this, I would be less likely to return home with half a case full of unused garments. My philosophy has always been 'better safe than sorry'. I am not of the school of packing lightly. I pack as much as I could possibly need and still stay within the weight limits imposed by the airlines today.

Peace of mind is one of the greatest benefits of travel - if you can swing it. I find that if I can pay whatever bills might be due in my absence, I can relax far more easily. While this may not always be possible (depending on the duration of your visit, etc.), I do find that putting my desk in order prior to departure is a huge stress reliever. Whether you work in a large office or for a small company, be sure to alert your boss before you make too many plans. Remember that as well as you may know the inner workings of your work place, none of us are mind readers. Be sure your travel plans aren't going to be too great of an inconvenience. Time away from work is necessary, healthy, and expected. But for some reason it is rarely convenient. Being as thoughtful of others when making your own plans does not go unnoticed. When the shoe is on the other foot, your respectful behavior will pay you dividends. People are not surprisingly

more willing to bend over backwards for you if you have shown your willingness to do the same for them.

Lining up a house sitter, a baby sitter, or a pet sitter is one of those tasks which needs to be completed well before you start purchasing those non-refundable airline tickets. I could regale you with far too many stories about putting off this detail until the last minute. Not only can this be a potential deal breaker, it is a guaranteed stress maker. We all know how crucial these people are to our happiness. Treat them like gold. Without them, the priceless peace of mind we so desire is impossible. After all, we are entrusting our children, our pets, and even our irreplaceable Night Blooming Cereus, to their capable hands.

One of the joys of visiting friends is bringing them a house present. A gift for our host(s) is essential. This is a custom which predates the Trojan Horse and shows our appreciation in a tangible and lasting way. Some people are more difficult than others to find that perfect gift for, but I recommend persevering. Not until you are truly satisfied that we have come up with a meaningful present will really feel the gratitude you wish to express. The thrill of finding just the right gift is a great way to start off any trip. When we are visiting friends, especially if we are staying with them, we have some responsibilities as guests. It should be obvious that specific arrival and departure times should be fixed and adhered to. Offer to help with kitchen and dining room chores such as cooking, setting the table, and washing up the dishes, pots and pans. We

are not guests in a hotel and the offer to assist is very much appreciated, even if it is declined. Some hosts prefer to do things themselves. If this is the case, do not insist on interfering. Do offer to strip your bed at the end of your stay. This offer may also be declined, however the offer will be taken for its good intention.

I cherish the time I have to share with loved ones in far away lands. With careful planning ahead of time, and with a feeling of gratitude in our hearts, we can turn these times into long lasting good memories for everyone!

Dog Walking Etiquette

One of the most rewarding activities many people enjoy now that the weather is warming up is taking their dogs for nice leisurely walks. The hurried cold winter walks are part of the past now, and joining friends to walk around town and catch up on local gossip is back on the schedule. I enjoy walking or cycling through town and seeing the greenery reappearing, the flowers dotting the many yards and the gardens beginning to show their forms. I know the small garden I have in front of my house is not much to see at the moment, but it does have a few perennials whose shoots are emerging from their winter's rest.

As I was walking down the sidewalk, I approached a lady with her dog who was standing squarely in the weed covered patch which is my garden. I mentioned casually that I would have to put up a short fence this year in order to keep dogs from using the spot. This seemed like a reasonable statement to me, but the woman was surprised. She suggested that I post a sign for dogs to keep off. I said that I supposed that I did need to do just that. And that concluded the conversation.

As I reflected on what had just occurred, I wondered whether other neighbors had to post signs on their garden plots to protect them from dogs being exercised. There are a lot of dogs in our small town and if every one of them lifted their legs or squatted on our gardens, they're be little left to enjoy; the soil would be ruined and the ground would be nasty to put work with your hands, to say the least!

The first and foremost point of etiquette when walking or exercising,(i.e. taking your dog out to relieve themselves) is to respect other people's property, including their gardens. If you have ever knelt down to weed your garden, only to come into contact with a fresh pile of dog poo and the stench of urine, you know how off putting that experience can be. No one enjoys it and everyone's dog's poo is disconcerting; yes, everyone's! My advice is twofold. One, don't let your dog into anyone's garden. Two, if you're unsure if where your dog is wandering is a garden or not, assume that it is and stay away. Put yourself in the gardener's shoes. Three, remember to always clean up after your dogs!!! There are plenty of free bags around town.

Do be sure to keep your dog on leash if there are town leash laws. This is not only for the safety of the animal but also for other animals, including cats and squirrels, even other dogs and children. It is also a safety factor for motorists. I have seen too many dogs dart out into the street once they see something they wish to chase. This can end in disaster and both the animal and driver can be injured and frightened badly.

If you make the decision to entrust your child with walking the family pet, be sure you have walked the route with them before; be certain the leash and collar or harness fit the dog correctly. I have been amazed at out quickly a dog can escape a collar that is too loose. I recommend a nylon slip lead collar or a harness as the safest equipment. I also suggest that all dogs go to a puppy kindergarten class or some kind os socialization class. This provides novice owners with invaluable skills so that walking your dog is a fun and healthy experience, not a minefield of risk and fear.

Doggie etiquette may also involve dog parks. At every enclosed park there is a set of clearly posted rules. These rules are important; they have been carefully written; and they must be followed - all of them by everyone. Most require dogs to be off leash. This is very important because dogs cannot communicate with each other if they are constrained by a leash. If you are unsure about how your dog will react in such an environment, ask a friend who owns a dog to go with you when the park is quiet. Let your two dogs interact off leash. If this goes well, you can feel confident that things will likely be okay. If this kind of risk is uncomfortable for you, stay out of the park.

Find a routine that you and your dog(s) enjoys. Dogs thrive on routine and the closer you can stick to one, the more fun and less stress both you and your dog will experience. After all, walking your dog should be one of the greatest joys of both your life and your dog's. If it isn't, it's likely your fault, not your dog's. Practicing unconditional love, just as your dog does, is one of life's greatest pleasures.

Dog Walking Etiquette

One of the most rewarding activities many people enjoy now that the weather is warming up is taking their dogs for nice leisurely walks. The hurried cold winter walks are part of the past now, and joining friends to walk around town and catch up on local gossip is back on the schedule. I enjoy walking or cycling through town and seeing the greenery reappearing, the flowers dotting the many yards and the gardens beginning to show their forms. I know the small garden I have i front of my house is not much to see at the moment, but it does have a few perennials whose shoots are emerging from their winter's rest.

As I was walking down the sidewalk, I approached a lady with her dog who was standing squarely in the weed covered patch which is my garden. I mentioned casually that I would have to put up a short fence this year in order to keep dogs from using the spot. This seemed like a reasonable statement to me, but the woman was surprised. She suggested that I post a sign for dogs to keep off. I said that I supposed that I did need to do just that. And that concluded the conversation.

As I reflected on what had just occurred, I wondered whether other neighbors had to post signs on their garden plots to protect them from dogs being exercised. There are a lot of dogs in our small town and if every one of them lifted their legs or squatted on our gardens, they're be little left to enjoy; the soil would be ruined and the ground would be nasty to put work with your hands, to say the least!

The first and foremost point of etiquette when walking or exercising,(i.e. taking your dog out to relieve themselves) is to respect other people's property, including their gardens. If you have ever knelt down to weed your garden, only to come into contact with a fresh pile of dog poo and the stench of urine, you know how off putting that experience can be. No one enjoys it and everyone's dog's poo is disconcerting; yes, everyone's! My advice is twofold. One, don't let your dog into anyone's garden. Two, if you're unsure if where your dog is wandering is a garden or not, assume that it is and stay away. Put yourself in the gardener's shoes. Three, remember to always clean up after your dogs!!! There are plenty of free bags around town.

Do be sure to keep your dog on leash if there are town leash laws. This is not only for the safety of the animal but also for other animals, including cats and squirrels, even other dogs and children. It is also a safety factor for motorists. I have seen too many dogs dart out into the street once they see something they wish to chase. This can end in disaster and both the animal and driver can be injured and frightened badly.

If you make the decision to entrust your child with walking the family pet, be sure you have walked the route with them before; be certain the leash and collar or harness fit the dog correctly. I have been amazed at out quickly a dog can escape a collar that is too loose. I recommend a nylon slip lead collar or a harness as the safest equipment. I also suggest that all dogs go to a puppy kindergarten class or some kind os socialization class. This provides novice owners with invaluable skills so that walking your dog is a fun and healthy experience, not a minefield of risk and fear.

Doggie etiquette may also involve dog parks. At every enclosed park there is a set of clearly posted rules. These rules are important; they have been carefully written; and they must be followed - all of them by everyone. Most require dogs to be off leash. This is very important because dogs cannot communicate with each other if they are constrained by a leash. If you are unsure about how your dog will react in such an environment, ask a friend who owns a dog to go with you when the park is quiet. Let your two dogs interact off leash. If this goes well, you can feel confident that things will likely be okay. If this kind of risk is uncomfortable for you, stay out of the park.

Find a routine that you and your dog(s) enjoys. Dogs thrive on routine and the closer you can stick to one, the more fun and less stress both you and your dog will experience. After all, walking your dog should be one of the greatest joys of both your life and your dog's. If it isn't, it's likely your fault, not your dog's. Practicing unconditional love, just as your dog does, is one of life's greatest pleasures.

Grooming Etiquette For Men

Traveling to visit friends is one of my greatest pleasures. Invariably I am introduced to new people along the way who naturally ask me, "So, what do you do?" Once I explain that I present etiquette seminars, I can see their lips begin to quiver with a burning desire to share with me some pet peeve they have about other people's habits. In discussing grooming for men here are a few simple guidelines and suggestions.

One refined gentleman recently asked me to write about his pet peeve, namely men's grooming habits, particularly facial hair. He expressed his concerns about the goal of some men to achieve the look of the perfect two-day growth of beard. I must admit that an explanation required some thought. What began as a Hollywood macho/casual look has taken the fashion world by storm and has become a contemporary statement of sorts for some men.

There is no question that this relatively new style has a certain appeal and charm for many people, but it is too casual for formal business no matter how neat and tidy. That said, I am not suggesting that judging a book by its cover is either smart or appropriate. For most men who grow beards or other facial hair, they do so to give themselves the look that provides them a feeling of confidence, style and distinction. I am a big fan of a neatly groomed beard in part because I can't grow a proper one myself. Maintaining a beard takes a lot of time and effort and is certainly not a sign of laziness. I think as time goes on and old school conventions become more flexible or disappear entirely, facial hair will not be an issue even in the most formal situations. Sloppiness will never be in style however; therefore if you choose to sport a beard or mustache, keep it neat.

In addition to paying careful attention to beards and such, the hair on your head should be kept neatly trimmed and clean. Combing or brushing is essential to keeping a neat and confident appearance. In my opinion, "comb-overs" look ridiculous and unfortunately do not retain a youthful image. If balding is undesirable, premature or otherwise, there are other ways to maintain a fuller head of hair. Dry scalp is another affliction which needs attention. Dandruff on a dark blue suit is very unattractive and indicative of poor grooming. There are plenty of products available to cure this condition. And vigorously and constantly scratching an itchy scalp is disgusting. It is also a sign of disrespect. Looking one's best shows respect for others and for one's self.

For those who have a tendency to sprout neck hair, shave it off as needed. Nothing shows sloppiness more clearly than any unwanted hair. Check yourself carefully in the mirror and if necessary have someone else shave areas which you cannot see. Remember that just because you can't see it, everyone else can and I have yet to find anywhere in history that neck hair was a fashion statement. That goes for nose and ear hairs. If you will be spending time shirtless, removing epaulets and back hair is considerate to those around you!

In this day and age one would expect bathing to be de rigeur, but sadly it isn't. For anyone given to heavy perspiration, taking special care to find an effective deodorant or antiperspirant is highly recommended. Some people need to bathe more frequently than others (just like some need to shave more or less often). It goes without saying that going out in public with body odor is offensive to all around you and is a sign of weakness and slovenliness. Likewise, masking natural body odors with colognes is offensive to most people and in fact can cause severe allergic reactions to a growing number of people. If one enjoys wearing a favorite scent, it should be applied so that only the person wearing it and someone very nearby can smell it. Otherwise it can be overbearing and inappropriate.

Finally, wearing clean clothes every day is the mark of a courteous and properly groomed man. In business and on social occasions being well groomed entails polished shoes, pressed trousers and shirts, and clean and trimmed finger nails. The color of your socks should match your trousers; and your belt and shoes should be the same color and material. If you're feeling especially adventurous, keep in mind that sporting one piece of untraditional or brightly colored clothing is acceptable at even the most formal occasions. More than that makes you look like a peacock. At informal and festive occasions, costumes are lots of fun, but be discerning. If you must stand out, do so with your wit, not your attire.

CHCT Etiquette Guy Episode 20

CHCT TV The Etiquette Guy Show 20 People with Disabilities from Jay Remer on Vimeo.

Respectful Workplace

Here is a recent article I did for an organization called Respectful Workplace.

As I’ve suggested before, now is the time to begin implementing some of the hopes and goals we set for ourselves for the new year. As the earth shows rebirth and renewal in so many ways, it is perhaps the greatest opportunity for us to take a look inside of ourselves. After all, if we cannot set aside time to perform some internal spring cleaning, how will we be able to get down to the brass tacks of carrying out external chores?

Read the full article here. Get out and enjoy spring!

Stage of Life

Stage of Life is a website that I contribute to on a regular basis as their trusted "in-house" etiquette expert. Stage of Life was developed to provide information and guidance for people throughout every phase of their life from High School to Retirement. I recommend the content of the site to everyone as an excellent resource for a variety of occasions. Their motto is "Changing the World...One Story at a Time."

You click to read my section here or visit the full site at www.stageoflife.com. It's an amazing source of info for almost any situation. Strongly endorsed by me!